A Bad Disagreement with Someone

Identify a common goal Before you share your thoughts, think about what`s important to the powerful person — it can be «the credibility of their team or getting a project done on time,» Grenny says. You are more likely to be heard if you can link your disagreement to a «higher purpose.» When you speak, don`t assume the connection is clear. You need to formulate it openly and contextualize your statements so that you are not seen as an unpleasant subordinate, but as a colleague trying to advance a common goal. The discussion will then look «more like a game of chess than a boxing match,» Weeks explains. Also think about how the conversation will be received. Some people like to get into complex discussions, Weeks says. But for some people, some topics feel like they`re pressing their buttons — which doesn`t necessarily make conversations enjoyable for dinner or gossip about coffee. It`s normal not to go, or if someone else raises the issue to tell them they don`t want to go. It strengthens your point of view to know more clearly why your views are in conflict with each other, she adds. (And if you`re someone who works in a field like politics, she says, «One of the basic rules is to know your enemy.») I don`t need to have a conversation with someone I don`t agree with to get their point of view,» Weeks says. You can read about it or learn more about it from someone else. However, if you`re trying to change that person`s mind, the purpose of that conversation isn`t to learn and understand, Weeks says. «It`s not really a conversation; it is a conference.

Conclusion: Healthy disagreements are worth it. Follow this basic formula, Heitler explains: Okay (with some of what the other person said, which recognizes their point of view), and then add something in response. Share your sources of information, such as articles, books, or documentaries, and be prepared for the possibility of people criticizing those sources or rejecting their legitimacy. This is all part of the process of social negotiations and healthy disagreements. If your sources are legitimate, they should have no problem resisting scrutiny. However, a respectful – not to say convincing – disagreement is one that puts logic above your emotions in relation to the situation. So don`t forget to focus on the reasoning and information that supports your disagreement. Unfortunately, many of us avoid disagreement altogether or lose it if things don`t go our way. These 5 tips can help keep disagreements constructive – whether you`re talking to a relative, friend, or someone else: Consider discussing things, for example. B like when someone`s feelings have been hurt or different opinions about how two partners spend their money.

«The price of not having this conversation is high,» Weeks says. Everyone wants to be heard, especially when it comes to disagreements. Not being heard or not having our words distorted creates a lot of resentment. So take the time to listen. Case Study #2: Do It About the Company, Not About You Mike McRitchie, owner of consulting firm Critical Path Action, has repeatedly had reasons for disagreeing with people more powerful than him. «You always have these big ideas so close to the deadline that you make things harder for everyone.» Try to feel comfortable with all of these approaches. Diplomatic disagreements are a great way to «make friends and influence people» and will help you in business and in life. The first step is to decide if this conversation is worth it, Weeks says. If it`s an argument with your spouse about whether any of you will accept a job offer that requires the family to move, you need to have that conversation.

But when it comes to asking a friend why she thinks abortion should be banned (and you don`t agree much), it`s worth asking yourself first why you want to have this conversation. Want to know why your girlfriend feels the way she does? Do you want to change your mind? «If you disagree with someone more powerful than you, you should always have a constructive reason to resist. In my case, the reason was timing,» victor says. Patrick is not offended and was curious to know more about Victor`s argument. In the end, they decided to curb investment. The goal of productive conversations is to strengthen understanding and learning (for all parties) and not to tear each other apart, Trevisan says. This means no winners and no losers. «The constructive approach is to be curious and try to understand it,» he says. To do this, you find points of agreement rather than disagreements. Perhaps one of the most important points for respectfully disagreeing with someone is knowing when to finish it and move on. You`ll have a conversation with a colleague about why you think a new employee should be released to help your team, rather than theirs. Instead of saying things like «We never get the resources we need» and «Your team has far fewer responsibilities from the start,» give an example.

«When we had to prepare this presentation in a tight time last month, we could have brought in an extra person to do a certain amount of research, which would have saved us a day» – for example. You discuss the project, your team`s productivity, and the overall goals of the office, not you or your colleague. Mike decided to share his opinion, highlighting his commitment to the company and making sure his body language wasn`t «unsafe or shy at all.» His boss was shocked at first; Mike had a reputation for being reserved, so open disagreements were «atypical» for him. But his boss could see that «I was taking care of the company, our leaders and our employees,» says Mike. «I didn`t have a personal agenda.» The vast majority of us want to be good. We want to fight for the best possible world and do the right thing. We may have different visions of how to get there, but it`s important to assume that someone has good intentions until we have final proof that they don`t. Try to make a point to say things like: Don`t just say the other person is wrong.. .